Summer 2008 came and went with out any other dates. it was fine - between friends, family, teaching summer school & travel i kept quite busy and it didn't really matter to me. during summer school, i reconnected with an adorable man i'd met the summer before. it began as friendship but there was definitely chemistry between us. yes, he was in his 20s - but, hey, i didn't pursue!
we'll call him "teach." after hanging out a bit together in group get-togethers & met up for a couple of happy hours. we enjoyed talking & laughing with and at each other. so teach asks me out to meet some friends - we had both lived in the DC area a short time and were still meeting people. i saw it as an opportunity to meet his friends & eventually, he mine & didn't think anything of it, romantically. sure, there was chemistry between us but i wasn't thinking anything of it. i am a scorpio & there is usually chemistry between me and many people! well, he took me out for a fantastic evening! met some of his friends at a night club, went to a hookah bar,drank some mohitos then he took me to the metro station to go home. and we looked at each other & kissed. a wonderful, deep, sexy kiss.
we kind of started seeing each other. nothing too regular or even exclusive; just texting, chatting, emailing, mostly comparing the new school year, laughing & flirting. it's difficult to see someone new on a regular basis when your a single mom. i won't bring every man i date to the house & when a date does need to come over for whatever reason i make sure my son sees us as just friends. i can justify that in that i've always had guy friends and my son has met most of them at one time or another.
i decided to have teach over for dinner (nothing romantic) & to play on the Wii. he brought over mario cart & he, my son & i had a blast playing it - they kicked my ass! here's where the memory's a little fuzzy...i don't remember if it was that night after my son had gone to sleep or another night & ian was spending the night out but, yes, we had sex....really good sex...
~now, being that teach was in his 20s at the time i certainly didn't expect a long-term relationship...i knew we were just having fun. but friend, lover, whatever - you don't stand me up, & that is what happened. so of course, i started to feel as if these youngins' were only in it to see how many "cougars" they could get in the sack. i still feel this way & that's why i've been steering clear lately.~
after that night, we chatted a little bit & he asked me to a party on a Saturday to meet some more of his friends. i was looking forward to it & to hanging out with him again. he called later that week, said he was sick but felt he'd be able to go to the party. & i didn't hear from him again. Saturday came with no call so i called him. he again said he was sick, didn't know if he was going & he'd get back to me. i didn't hear from him again. being the teacher that i am, a few days later i sent him a looong text explaining how if he didn't want to go out with someone he should just tell that person & not lead a person on, etc, etc, etc. i got a weak apology & didn't hear from him again...for a very long time (which i'll discuss in a later blog :).
so another one bites the dust...i was beginning to get a real complex!
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Back on topic :)
as i was saying earlier, dating a 20 something is different than dating someone closer to my age. There's the stamina in the bedroom, of course, but there's more honesty to them. i don't know if they're as honest with women their own age, probably not. but the 20 somethings i dated last year were very upfront with me and that, i really appreciated.
like i said, i almost blew it w CC. i got upset one evening when he was texting while sitting on the couch watching TV w me & made it obvious i was upset. but instead of saying anything, i acted like an idiot, told him it was time for him to go & promptly took him to the metro. it was a silly incident that could have led to the demise of our friendship but fortunately didn't. UNFORTUNATELY, we weren't able to see each other after that. his scholarship in DC ended and back home to Tulsa he went :(. we are still in touch though ;).
after my cougar experience, i decided to try to meet someone closer to my age so i tried some free online dating sites, primarily Facebook. that's where i met the hot ex-cop, MMA dude. and he was only a little closer to my age being 33. hey! i tried! anyway, after some great dialogue through FB & a few good phone conversations we met at a Silver Diner. (i must let you know that every time i go out w someone new, i text my girl friends w the name of the guy & the place where we meet. they usually text me later in the date to make sure all is OK. it's an unsafe world out there so you have to be careful!). the convo ran smoothly, he's an interesting guy so we decided to go over to Friday's for a drink. the night ended well; more texting, emailing, & phone convos ensued. then it all comes down to the real reason he was seeing me.
ian spent the night out w a friend one eve so i decided to have mr. mma over for dinner and a movie. this would be our 2nd date & when i want to get to know someone i stand by the 3rd date rule :). had a great time, made out on the couch for a bit (i do like to do that!) and it was time for him to go. i didn't want it to go any further...i really wanted to get to know this guy! seemed it was fine with him but then the emails took a stronger, sexual turn & it soon became obvious he only wanted to add me as another notch to his bed post. he stood me up the following weekend and that was that for me. & that was the end of my seeking a relationship online. for a little while, at least ;).
like i said, i almost blew it w CC. i got upset one evening when he was texting while sitting on the couch watching TV w me & made it obvious i was upset. but instead of saying anything, i acted like an idiot, told him it was time for him to go & promptly took him to the metro. it was a silly incident that could have led to the demise of our friendship but fortunately didn't. UNFORTUNATELY, we weren't able to see each other after that. his scholarship in DC ended and back home to Tulsa he went :(. we are still in touch though ;).
after my cougar experience, i decided to try to meet someone closer to my age so i tried some free online dating sites, primarily Facebook. that's where i met the hot ex-cop, MMA dude. and he was only a little closer to my age being 33. hey! i tried! anyway, after some great dialogue through FB & a few good phone conversations we met at a Silver Diner. (i must let you know that every time i go out w someone new, i text my girl friends w the name of the guy & the place where we meet. they usually text me later in the date to make sure all is OK. it's an unsafe world out there so you have to be careful!). the convo ran smoothly, he's an interesting guy so we decided to go over to Friday's for a drink. the night ended well; more texting, emailing, & phone convos ensued. then it all comes down to the real reason he was seeing me.
ian spent the night out w a friend one eve so i decided to have mr. mma over for dinner and a movie. this would be our 2nd date & when i want to get to know someone i stand by the 3rd date rule :). had a great time, made out on the couch for a bit (i do like to do that!) and it was time for him to go. i didn't want it to go any further...i really wanted to get to know this guy! seemed it was fine with him but then the emails took a stronger, sexual turn & it soon became obvious he only wanted to add me as another notch to his bed post. he stood me up the following weekend and that was that for me. & that was the end of my seeking a relationship online. for a little while, at least ;).
Monday, March 15, 2010
digressing a bit...
why is dating in your 40s so different from dating in your 20s? or teens? remember those days? you met someone, you like him, he like you, you give him your number & he calls the next day! you make a date & go out; find out you do really like each other & like spending time together. then he calls the day after the date! no waiting time...he likes you! you like him & take the call & you make plans to see each other again...soon! boom! you're dating each other, talking on the phone or by email or even seeing each other daily. this relationship may last a month, or 3, 6, a year or longer, it doesn't matter how long it lasts but it gets started quickly. i miss that.
as you get older, dating gets harder and there are more games. i didn't start dating again until i was 36. people have kids, & full-time, responsible jobs. i get that. but there's been no boom! in dating after 36. you meet, you like each other, you give your number, then you wait. usually a day or 2 for the first text or call. then you meet & find out you do like each other, possibly have a great date, both leaving with smiles & maybe that first kiss. then you wait. most likely another day or 2. oh yes, there is that text that evening of "had a great time" but no call or text asking you out for another couple of days. by then you're wondering if he liked you after all...
then hey! he calls, he wants to see you again! great! let's get this show on the road; find out if you're really compatible! after figuring it out (you do have kids & need to get them taken care of after all) you decide on an evening, place & time. there's none of this picking-you-up stuff because you don't want your kid to meet every tom, dick & harry you're going out with so you meet somewhere. and have a wonderful time! find out more about each other & find out you have many of the same interests. then there's the goodnight kiss...damn what a kiss! (w/ me it's usually a make-out session in the parking lot :-). i text "thanks for a great eve," he texts back "ur welcome" or "thank u!" and then you don't hear from him the next day. no worries - you already know how it is because you've been doing this dating thing for quite awhile now. he'll probably call or text in a couple of days. but what if he doesn't?
what happened? you wonder? he had as big a smile on his face as you did on yours when you parted. what happened? ugh! your guy friends assure you it's not you that he's an idiot for not getting to know you more. your girl friends figure he's really got a girlfriend but "you know how guys are" and decide your better off - they know this because they've been through it too. and a really honest guy friend will tell you "he's just not that into you" & you deserve someone who is.
sigh...why can't dating now be more like it was in your teens or 20s? no time wasted, let's figure this out & see where it goes.
i finally watched Twilight last night. i read all but the last book & loved them. i love the teenage love story part of the series. watching the movie reminded me of my first love in high school. i want to love & be loved like that again. do you remember? it was like you couldn't breathe until he was with you again. you couldn't wait to be together, both of you giddy with anticipation of just seeing each other! i haven't found that in my 40s. has anyone? i'd like some hope!
as you get older, dating gets harder and there are more games. i didn't start dating again until i was 36. people have kids, & full-time, responsible jobs. i get that. but there's been no boom! in dating after 36. you meet, you like each other, you give your number, then you wait. usually a day or 2 for the first text or call. then you meet & find out you do like each other, possibly have a great date, both leaving with smiles & maybe that first kiss. then you wait. most likely another day or 2. oh yes, there is that text that evening of "had a great time" but no call or text asking you out for another couple of days. by then you're wondering if he liked you after all...
then hey! he calls, he wants to see you again! great! let's get this show on the road; find out if you're really compatible! after figuring it out (you do have kids & need to get them taken care of after all) you decide on an evening, place & time. there's none of this picking-you-up stuff because you don't want your kid to meet every tom, dick & harry you're going out with so you meet somewhere. and have a wonderful time! find out more about each other & find out you have many of the same interests. then there's the goodnight kiss...damn what a kiss! (w/ me it's usually a make-out session in the parking lot :-). i text "thanks for a great eve," he texts back "ur welcome" or "thank u!" and then you don't hear from him the next day. no worries - you already know how it is because you've been doing this dating thing for quite awhile now. he'll probably call or text in a couple of days. but what if he doesn't?
what happened? you wonder? he had as big a smile on his face as you did on yours when you parted. what happened? ugh! your guy friends assure you it's not you that he's an idiot for not getting to know you more. your girl friends figure he's really got a girlfriend but "you know how guys are" and decide your better off - they know this because they've been through it too. and a really honest guy friend will tell you "he's just not that into you" & you deserve someone who is.
sigh...why can't dating now be more like it was in your teens or 20s? no time wasted, let's figure this out & see where it goes.
i finally watched Twilight last night. i read all but the last book & loved them. i love the teenage love story part of the series. watching the movie reminded me of my first love in high school. i want to love & be loved like that again. do you remember? it was like you couldn't breathe until he was with you again. you couldn't wait to be together, both of you giddy with anticipation of just seeing each other! i haven't found that in my 40s. has anyone? i'd like some hope!
Monday, March 8, 2010
7 mos single...something had to happen!
After having a boyfriend for 2 yrs I found myself single. Since I was 16, the longest I went without a boyfriend was 7 months...at age 42. My friends new I was ready to date - both my male & female friends knew this. It had also been 7 months since I had sex...also the longest time since I was 16.
One night, about midnight, a friend, RM - who didn't drink often - called me from a bar. I could tell he was drunk just due to the fact it was late, he was giggling (Ryan's not a giggler) & he had a proposition for me. He had a 23 yr old friend who's fantasy had always been to be with a teacher. He handed the phone to CC or Chucky Cheese as my friends soon called him. We chatted for a few minutes & I agreed to a date. Chucky Cheese was the beginning of my time as a "cougar."
~a brief digression...is a woman a "cougar" even though she doesn't pursue these younger "cubs" but they pursue her? just a thought...
CC came over and we went out to a local pool hall. There was a pretty bad & very loud band so we fit in as much conversation as possible. Nice guy, funny, cute, smart...AND 20 YRS YOUNGER THAN ME! (would that be 20 yrs my senior? never could figure that out...) But we went back to my place anyway. And made out on the couch like a couple of teenagers (thank God for friends & family - my son spent the night out). And stripped up the stairs to my room. And had the best sex I'd had in years! Damn the younguns have stamina! What a great night! & then I had no idea what to expect; what to do; what to think.
I think we went to breakfast before I took him to the metro...or did he stay that day? I can't remember. But we did "date" for a bit until I almost ruined it. People in there 20s now are different than when my generation was in their 20s...more on that later ;).
One night, about midnight, a friend, RM - who didn't drink often - called me from a bar. I could tell he was drunk just due to the fact it was late, he was giggling (Ryan's not a giggler) & he had a proposition for me. He had a 23 yr old friend who's fantasy had always been to be with a teacher. He handed the phone to CC or Chucky Cheese as my friends soon called him. We chatted for a few minutes & I agreed to a date. Chucky Cheese was the beginning of my time as a "cougar."
~a brief digression...is a woman a "cougar" even though she doesn't pursue these younger "cubs" but they pursue her? just a thought...
CC came over and we went out to a local pool hall. There was a pretty bad & very loud band so we fit in as much conversation as possible. Nice guy, funny, cute, smart...AND 20 YRS YOUNGER THAN ME! (would that be 20 yrs my senior? never could figure that out...) But we went back to my place anyway. And made out on the couch like a couple of teenagers (thank God for friends & family - my son spent the night out). And stripped up the stairs to my room. And had the best sex I'd had in years! Damn the younguns have stamina! What a great night! & then I had no idea what to expect; what to do; what to think.
I think we went to breakfast before I took him to the metro...or did he stay that day? I can't remember. But we did "date" for a bit until I almost ruined it. People in there 20s now are different than when my generation was in their 20s...more on that later ;).
Thursday, March 4, 2010
turning 40
I turned 40 in my hometown, Dallas, 5 yrs ago. I had been divorced over 4 yrs with no prospects for a long-term relationship. I was a bit nervous about being single and 40...I had truly hoped to be deep in a relationship by that age.
The following summer, I met a great guy from No. VA, near DC, & decided to move my son & I up there. It was a no-brainer move...my sister is in NYC and my son's aunt, uncle and cousins live in No. Va. Greg & I dated 2 yrs. He was the first "older" guy I dated since high school, being 9 yrs older than me an all. Had good times together but I realized the relationship was in limbo & would remain in such state indefinitely unless I did something. So we broke up. At 42 I found myself single again, but hopeful I would meet someone who wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with him. So the dating saga began....
The following summer, I met a great guy from No. VA, near DC, & decided to move my son & I up there. It was a no-brainer move...my sister is in NYC and my son's aunt, uncle and cousins live in No. Va. Greg & I dated 2 yrs. He was the first "older" guy I dated since high school, being 9 yrs older than me an all. Had good times together but I realized the relationship was in limbo & would remain in such state indefinitely unless I did something. So we broke up. At 42 I found myself single again, but hopeful I would meet someone who wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with him. So the dating saga began....
Monday, March 1, 2010
my first blog!
Writing has always come naturally to me but I've never done it in a formal sense. Well, I take that back...I was a movie critic for my college newspaper one semester and did write reviews for the paper about once a week. I digress, which also comes naturally...
I started this blog to write about dating. Particularly, being a 40+ yr old, single mom who is in the dating scene. Tonight's blog will be a little background information and the following postings will concentrate on my, & my friend's dating antics.
My husband left us 10 yrs ago for a younger woman. Funny thing is, he was 35 and I was 36 at the time! She was young enough at 28. He and I had been married 7 or 8 yrs when the affair started and we had a young son. I say "7 or 8 yrs" because I'm not exactly sure when the affair started. But, the long/short of this story is he left when our son was 3. As I mentioned, that was 10 yrs ago. At 36 I found myself thrust into singledom, only this time with a young child to whom my world revolved.
Because my husband of 8 yrs cheated, I was a little leery of other men. The first couple of yrs were filled with many interesting, yet not exactly right-for-me, men. There was the foreigner, the tatoo artist, the single dad, the con-artist; all of whom made great bed partners but none of which were worth long-term, step-daddy consideration.
I have had a couple of 2 yr relationships during the last 10 yrs - both of whom are named Greg. Explain that! Really great guys & I am friends with each one & their families but, unfortunately weren't in it for the long haul with me. So, I've been dating...& dating...& dating...I have friends in my same boat - we'll call it the USS SHIWLL&C "Single, Hot, Intelligent, Women Looking for Love & Companionship." And we so happen to be in our 40s or pushing it.
The escapades of mine, and their, dating experiences will commence tomorrow. I now must go wake up my son in order for him to eat & complete his homework! Ciao for now!
I started this blog to write about dating. Particularly, being a 40+ yr old, single mom who is in the dating scene. Tonight's blog will be a little background information and the following postings will concentrate on my, & my friend's dating antics.
My husband left us 10 yrs ago for a younger woman. Funny thing is, he was 35 and I was 36 at the time! She was young enough at 28. He and I had been married 7 or 8 yrs when the affair started and we had a young son. I say "7 or 8 yrs" because I'm not exactly sure when the affair started. But, the long/short of this story is he left when our son was 3. As I mentioned, that was 10 yrs ago. At 36 I found myself thrust into singledom, only this time with a young child to whom my world revolved.
Because my husband of 8 yrs cheated, I was a little leery of other men. The first couple of yrs were filled with many interesting, yet not exactly right-for-me, men. There was the foreigner, the tatoo artist, the single dad, the con-artist; all of whom made great bed partners but none of which were worth long-term, step-daddy consideration.
I have had a couple of 2 yr relationships during the last 10 yrs - both of whom are named Greg. Explain that! Really great guys & I am friends with each one & their families but, unfortunately weren't in it for the long haul with me. So, I've been dating...& dating...& dating...I have friends in my same boat - we'll call it the USS SHIWLL&C "Single, Hot, Intelligent, Women Looking for Love & Companionship." And we so happen to be in our 40s or pushing it.
The escapades of mine, and their, dating experiences will commence tomorrow. I now must go wake up my son in order for him to eat & complete his homework! Ciao for now!
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